Jonathan from Indianapolis asks:

“How might a man who warms up slowly, overcome the difficulty of having awkward meetings for the first few or several dates? “

Hi Jonathan:

The main reasons you are feeling awkward on your first few or several dates is because you are either lacking confidence or you don’t know what you are looking for. Looking at these two areas is the first place you need to start.

First, it is hard to get anywhere in life, let alone dating, if you are lacking confidence. The great news is that confidence is something you can practice and acquire. I am a fan of “fake it ’til you make it” when it comes to dating because women are honestly okay with that. One of the main things they are asking themselves on the first few dates with you is, “is this guy a noodle or is he a guy who takes charge when needed?” Some simple ways to start developing confidence is to write down awesome things about yourself on a regular basis and consistently engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. If you don’t know what these are, set aside time to find out! Don’t go on dates hoping the date is going to be a boost to your confidence – it doesn’t work that way. Rather, come to the date knowing what you are good at and areas in your life you enjoy.

The second reason you are feeling awkward is because you are likely unclear on what you are looking for. You are going on your dates ‘hoping to get picked’ and women are going to pick up on that desperado vibe. There is much more power in getting clear on who you are trying to attract  rather than just heading out on dates hoping it works out. Make notes on the qualities your ideal woman has and don’t be afraid to get specific. This is your life and your partner choice leads to 90% of your happiness or misery. There are many exercises you can do to help in getting clear, however, just start with general qualities.

Christine